wine that is red

Is not easy to get the mood to blog, for me of course is always when it rains or when it snows , so guess what? it rains again…yoooohoooo…its been raining for the past couple of hours , thats why it gets me into the mood of blogging again.

I usually love rains but now i dont really like it as I am working in a container, i am working outdoor which also means that rain or shine or snow or storm, i gotto face it.

Rain means we have to walk in the muddy mud…

Shine means we have to sweat while working.

Snow means "awwww….peaceful day!!"

Storm means " thats it…i wanna go home"

Is rather interesting to cope with the weather change in China….in just days, it can change dramatically, when flying from one place to the other, it means changes again. I remember last year i am in -25 area, then i fly to a -5 deg area, then i fly again down south to a 12 deg area, it feels like moving from winter to autumn to early spring. 

And now is spring now….blossoms everywhere, supposedly to make me happy but it did not turn out to be that GREAT, apparently my eyes is allergic to the flower, so it got infected, red and teary and painful. Same thing during winter, teary all the way once the wind started blowing at me. People been thinking why is this girl constantly crying? is she so homesick??..

This kinda of weather change never happen to me before seeing that i am from a tropical country, where temperautre is almost the same throughout the year, season?? no season…just rain or shine. So when i first tasted my first ever winter was rather exciting, stepping down in Beijing airport, the temperature announced to us on the flight was -5 deg celcius, we were like.." oh no..is freaking cold out there!!"

then stepping out of the airport " hmmm..is not that cold..is alright"

then went to the hotel, wanted to go out for a walk at 11 pm

just 5 steps " no…this is too cold, lets get back inside"

so cold is not so fun after all, the thing that amazed me is sometimes people like us from hot climate country are not so afraid of cold compared to people from cold climate country, they constantly wearing layers of cloths even in spring while i am ok with just one extra. They do not like to turn on the AC, and they only drink HOT water!!…….oh please, i hate hot water, please give me water with ice.

so here i am…experiencing my second winter few months ago and my first spring this time…which means Summer is round the corner!!…am i happy bout summer?? no really summer means is too freaking hot. Means sweat , and after summer means rain rain and non–stop rain.

and now is my 11th day on the rig…how long more? i do not really know….what is the date today?? i do not  care….when will i go party again??…no party on the rig site. how is the food ? sucks…but it means loosing weight. heehhehe

but looking at the brigther side, i can actually rest more on the rig, we have like 11 hrs to sleep, and i can sleep for 10 hrs which i can never do it if i am back home or in staff house. I have a lot of free time in the night to do whatever i wanna do….if there is internet means browsing and reading all the time. Else is movie  time!!!…

ok.. i know is boring…forgive me..i been bored for almost 2 weeks.

like is really short….just few days back, got a news someone i do not know from my company died on the way from Dubai to Abu Dhabi caught in a bad accident i think. Suddenly it wakes us all expats up, we are all constantly travelling either by plane, by bus, by taxi or other mode of transportation, we are always close to danger especially in another country where u do not know the culture, the language and the danger.

however i consider myself really lucky…….everytime i am flying to somewhere new to me, somehow i am not lost as of yet…..i remember when i landed in Abu Dhabi, it was my first Middle East, all this while Middle east seem so far to me but it only just 2.5 hrs flight from India, the moment i landed, i see the man dressing in arabic dress, speaking arabic, i was rather amazed by it. And it was not so hard getting a taxi and leave to hotel.

it has been great getting to travel so much but at the same time, sometimes is really freaking sitting in the plane thinking of bad things like the plane is gonna crash or the turbulence is so bad that we cant even sleep or eat. but i think this kinda thing is worth doing while we are young, once we are old we would not be thinking of hitting the road again.

went to watch Madama Butterfly yesterday, it was a great great great opera put up by Italians, but the ochestra is a good mix of people from all around the world. Really enjoy the show.

so whats next for me?? i really do not know, i be leaving India for good and go to my new location that is China, what china is gonna offer me i really do not know, i personally do not really like that place so much but i know i will survive with shitty toilet there, but being someone who looks like chinese in china is not so great…..somehow they assume u are from china and will not give u good service unless u look white, thats the main problem i am having there, but there are much more things in china i am sure. I am sure i will survive

Its 12 Jan 2008, cant believe that 2007 pass so fast and ya, its another year again, another year older, another year wiser, another year more full of shit again??

past one year has been a great challenge….sometimes enjoying like crazy, sometimes busy busy not sleeping for days, sometimes working while people sleeping or sleep while people working, sometimes flying here and there just to realise, owh this is my JOB!!!….hehehe

suddenly now as i am sitting in SPR Coffee House, sipping my favaorite cuppa coffee, overlooking at the so called sceneic and quiet view of Tanggu , listening to MayDay song that is played in the cafe, facing my laptop trying to plan what is next to come in next few days. I cant help but wonder what is next for me??

should i stop wondering around so much and start to have a more settle life?

should i continue my journey further?

should i stop entiring ………change my profession?

should i quit?

how far can i go with current job, getting to fly every month, getting paid OK ly while spending like CRAZY also…….is this what i wanted?

why as we walk along our journey further, and we meet people around that seem to always have a better life than us?….do we actually choose which path we wanna take? do we have a choice? why is the grass always greener on the other side of the fence…

as i see one by one of my close frens choosing the path that they been wainting, i cant help but start thinking about mine too……..is this what i wanted?

but is 9-5 something that i wanted? or all i wanted is just a BMW?…

do i really wanna just work 12 hrs accepting surveys from the panel…….looking at the depth that is constantly changing?

all this question hopefully will be solved soon……

, Past weeks in China has been really great, the moment i come here i was expecting nothing good to happen, i remember telling my close gril friends in Inda that i hang out alot with that I have landed in wrong place again, fews days after things seems to change, been enjoying my days in China no matter how cold it is.

Talking about cold, i thought is cold enough in Beijing, till i reach Harbin which is 2 hours by flight from Tianjin, i realise what cold really is, but it was not so bad initially……we view is exactly like winter sonata…., but till it snows….is really really cold till it bite my nerves.

Snowing give me a nice feeling, just like raininig, i always like it when it rains, but ever since i left home, the amount of rain i seems to be lesser and lesser, i almost loss all my creativity in writting as i miss the rain, now that it snows, seems like my writting cells comes back again!!!…yeah yeah yeah……i have a lot of thought suddenly, thinking about do i want to continue my life like now? do i really like what i am doing now? do i really even know what exactly i am doing right now? or am i merely passing day by day thinking " A day has just pass agian?" .

Experiencing -20 and below and be really exciting, challenging at the same time, imaging taking a shower only few days once, and after shower, i have to run back to my sleeping unit, or else my hair will be frozen, at the cold winter, skin can be really really dry, but is not as irritating as compared to when hot sun burn my skin, i remember working in summer, i hate it so so much….in winter, is hard to get out also as is too cold but was not as bad as summer at least our mood is way better, no anger. Let me show some photos of i took for the past few days.

this photo was taken at the railway station , while waiting for train to Beijing, we decided to be like the local having hot bowl of instant noodle by the roadside, it really nice having meal in the cold……ehehehe, was not easy taking this photo, people staring

In beijing yet again….forbbiden city again, this is my 3rd time here, i think i come here more than the local.

on the way to rig :)……

after 7 days on the rig, it snows!!!….its looks cold and is it really cold, i cant imagine making up BHA ( sorry, oilfield terms which means working outside), well….will try it in next few days.

i am sorry

i been away for so so long……during my missing period not that i been busy….i was not exactly that busy actually……just that i would say my current status and my job kills my creativity entirely, i maybe sitting around in the office doing nothing , sitting in the rig doing nothing  but looking at stupid box, i maybe sitting at my staffhouse doing nothing…..but seriously this job kills my creativity and youth and other things

and what about my status?….well, its just complicated like i always told you guys, i guess no onoe understand how i feel….but then again, due to all this, i choose to leave this sad place again and get myself busy by flying off to China yet again

ya…….almost a year being recruited to India, spending 6 months in China, 2.5 month in Abu Dhabi, 2.5 months home , that left me with a month in India?……maybe

let me post some pics

its been a while……

recenrly i been hanging out lots with the girls here, finally we have like 5 girls working here and we are all real close so we decided to have girls night out (cut the guys off) sometimes we need some female bonding and Cosmopolitan to feel girly girl

my roomie and I, she is one crazy Aussie that could not get enough of liquid diet, latinos, Taco and dancing , oops i forgot to mention, we are sitting in a auto rickshaw ( 3 wheel taxi in Bombay)…..it was tough smiling with the wind blowing and shaky taxi, no window, just hanging around

and these are 2 other crazy girls in Bombay, one slutty negerian( sorrry!) and one innocent Indonesian…..really close with them, after few glasses of cosmo, martini, mojito…..we are look funny

now all 4 of us in one rickshaw, suppose to carry 3 person only, and so i had to sit with the rickshaw driver as according to them i am smallest among them, hahaha, i guess i am biggest in Malaysia……

thats bout it bout my life in Bombay…it has been great so far, lots of incredible thing i have yet to experience here

Since i always got trapped in toilet.i would like to give some tips so that you guys wont get stuck in toilet like me….is the worst nightmare that can ever happen..especially when you are always on the move from country to country like me, everywhere the toilet lock is different, especially in winter country, where the door is really well sealed

1. Always bring your handphone to toilet, even house toilet when no one is at home ( phone must be fully charged and with credit), from my experience …i have phone but no credit, makes no difference bringing one

2. Always keep any emergency number in the toilet, for example 111 in China, and most importantly locks smith number, i got stuck 6 hrs before, when the lock smith came and rescue me, i ask for his business card

3. Take a look at the lock before u lock it, all u know, the knob might be worn out /broken/rusted…..my experience in India, since the amount of lady worker is so few, the door knob seems rusted, when i try to open it, i broke the knob, next thing i knew, i am stuck again

4. Dont lock the door…..if u know u are alone at home or alone in the offie, why lock it??…remember……..bring your phone with you anywhere you go, is really useful

5.  if you ever got stuck….stay calm, there are someways to get out for sure, first is there are plenty of water in the toilet, you wont die even for few days, second there is always something useful to open the door, for instant, shower knob, broom, any sharp object, try to think hard which way is best at least to show some sign to people outside that you are inside. Third, sometimes there must be some newspaper lying around in the toilet, kill your time reading it, when i was trapped, i found on 2005 newspaper ( 2007 now), i still read it tho the paper already turn yellow. Forth, SLEEP, if the floor is dry, why not sleep to kil time. Five, i did this most while i was trapped, i look at the mirror, play with my hair, look at my skin, basically looking at myself for hours, i know is stupid but what else can i do??

6. Dont be as bad luck as me……i have this thing with locks and new house, everytime i move in new place, something will happen…recently in my new house, the water heater burst for 4 freaking time, till i am numb and caretaker got crazy of me…:))

Just when you thought everything is over…suddenly you are back to SQUARE ONE….just like what Karma says

" what come around goes around"

and just like what Alicia Key sings

" what goes up must come down"

Just when i thought i have forgotten how does curry taste like..how bad is the traffic in India……suddenly i am sitting in the car trying hard to get back home in the bumpy road ( or was it even a road), sitting in the auto rickshaw is really a great experience…all u need to do is hold tight and God bless…

anyway….India is still India..Bombay is still Bombay, no matter how hard we try to have Chinese fast food here, or McD here…..in the end , you ended up having Chicken Tika + Rice and Massala Chicken Burger…..

no matter how hard u try to proof that Bombay is not so bad, in the end…..all you know is you are clicking on the TV controller trying to search for a channel that you actually understand…

no matter how hard you try to know that this is a place full of cultures….in the end, you just know that every morning and night where the prayer for special God starts, loud music are played everywhere with people dancing in the joy of celebrating it while you trying to get some good rest.

Regardless….we survive …

one last phrase

India…………incredible INDIA ( head shaking)

what does it feel like being cheated?

what does it feel like being bettrayed?

what does it feel like in love with a wrong person?

a lot of times, we constantly remind ourselves that , " ok, we have to meet a few wrong person being you meet the right one" , but how many wrong person do we have to brush our shoulder with till the end u wonder if u have walk pass the right one.

Road seems blur these days, road seems bright and long way to go , but as i walk pass the road, i kept looking back, have i done the right thing? is this the road that i wanted to? or have i just use the wrong brick to build it? As i look forward, am i catching the light right in front, or am i just wanna finish the journey.

Life seems full nowadays but empty inside…..did money manage to fill in the emptiness? did business manage to overcome the stress inside?

It come to a point, I surrender everything to God.

after coming back home for 2 weeks and started reading back newspaper, i wonder why oh why things like this will happen to poor young little Nurin

to those who are still blur what i am talking about……she is 9 years old, reported lost for 20 days by her parents, and in the end was found in  a gym bag, naked, raped with foreign objects ( cucumbers and brinjals), killed. am sure is must be hard, reading the news day by day makes me wanna cry also especially the headlines today " Her last farewell..Yes Nurin is gone, say parents." my heart suddenly feel cold for a sudden as i open up the headline in the newpaper while trying to rush to work.

and what makes me even more frustrated it, have we not learned from lessons that had happened many many times ?? why on earth now only the government started to have special child sex department, and why now only they start to put more CCTVs around?

have we not forgotten Canny Ong??…she was raped and killed innocently…and many many more cases, why now only we start we act, everyday in newspaper, countless rape cases happening around, especially incest, and what do we do to the raper?? only jail?…..when will all the women at the top, start to propose new rulling to crastrade them instead?? when will we listen to all the cases and keep happening

Nurin’s dead wakes us up? and just a sheer small little alarm that will goes off in no time

And to all the parents…i know is hard for you to accept her death..God with her..dont worry

to Nurin…RIP….you have gone too early innocently, but your absense hopefully will wake all the parents, politician, police and those bloody rapers……

and to the rapers……dont you guys have better things to do??

a song that bring quite some memory to me and also to some of my very close friends around…..i miss u guys

Aku yang lemah tanpamu
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang t’lah hilang
Darimu yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itu pun aku mampu
Untuk mengenangmu

Darimu kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau
Kenangan terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang t’lah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

Darimu kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati

*translation*

i am weak without you

i am lost because

i loss the love i had with you

the love that make me whole

as long as my vision is still good

and as long as my heart is still pumping

i will still be thinking of you

for me you are my true love

whenever i write something for you

it will be the best for you

you will be my best memory in my life

its hard for me to forget about you

as you have leave a mark in my life

the mark that will remain forever as the best memory